The true limits of Alice Miller

The true limits of Alice Miller are to be found in the same prejudice that we address here on childparent.net: the virtue of the family.

“This incapacity to love from the outset occurs much more often than we imagine. It is not the fault of the mothers but of the ignorance of society. In a progressive maternity ward a woman having her first baby should have access to enlightened assistance in perceiving and becoming fully aware of the body memories surfacing within her. This would prevent her from passing on traumas of her own childhood (abandonment, violence, and so on) to her baby.” Alice Miller, taken from the book “The truth Will Set you free” page, 162

Notice how Miller does not question the idea of children having to be born within family-lock. Dysfunctional parents precisely want to own their children for the purpose of managing their needs and avoid growing, and this is not helped by mistakenly assuming the only option we have is for the mother to interact with the baby. There is no dichotomy between “mother” and “society”, but a group of people with different capacity for true bonding, and the child. Calling upon “society” is no solution to this, but another appeal to a greater power that is a projection of the one your parents had over you when you were so small.

Some people call upon “government”, others “God”… even “anarchy” and “peaceful parenting” (see ‘Disproving the family‘ or ‘Peaceful parenting superstars‘) can become one such greater power to subordinate reason and perpetuate bigotries such as the idea that children need only one mother and one father, which is nothing but the continuation of the cycle of abuse.

Sadly, Alice Miller did not break free from her parents and the a priori family concept in which her own trauma was rooted.

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